I wonder if there is such a thing as being too curious.
For starters, I know a few days ago I reached the conclusion that this blog should come to an end. And a large part of me still feels a similar sentiment. But I suppose an even larger part of me is not ready to let go and take the gamble. Essentially ending this commitment, the journey of writing about love in an attempt to understand it, I am giving up. Mostly just giving up on the idea that love can be defined and calculated, the notion that I can guard my heart but still love by following outlined steps. Pretty early on in this experience I noticed there was no timeline. And this frustrated and angered me to no end. I wanted to know what to do! I wanted to know how to act, and what to say, and who to trust. Things that no one, apparently not even Myself, could breakdown for me.
So, I was left to blindly interpret love. Another feat I found near impossible. But, as I said, I am far too curious for my own good. As such I couldn’t just throw in the towel and feel the release of letting love happen, sweep me off my feet. The cynical side of me doubted that this would ever happen. And the questioning side continued to ponder.
I am writing now, not because I have the answer, but really to say curious doesn’t find love. Love finds you. Now, stop laughing at that cliche line and listen up.
Every love is different. Look at the relationships around you. Every person reacts and feels and behaves as part of a couple differently. So stop comparing. You can’t have what they have and they will never have what you will. People are too different and complicated for their to be such a simple pattern to love. While this makes the breakdown of love much more complicated it also makes it immensely more, well for lack of a better word, awesome. Realizing this is possibly my favorite discovery thus far in life (discluding the magic of a peanut butter and marshmellow toasted sandwich). Seriously though, it’s unqiue. And that’s exactly why it should not be ignored or underestimated or not said. Love, real love, makes you see that there won’t be another one to come along. That this couple, this pair is the right match and never again will there be another 2 that make such a combination. No one else will make you feel that same way, will have the same affect on your smile or your train of thought. True love does only happen once, because if you’re not a complete idiot you recognize the magic and hold onto it.
I may be too curious for my own good, and my constant questions and emotional needs to know what the future holds may drive my boyfriend insane. But that’s who I am. I am the girl that wonders. The woman with an eager and excited little girl on the inside who still believes in happily every after and has a strong urge to also believe in serendipity. I do get swept up, I do fall head over heels, and finally I am not afraid to let that happen.
Mostly because it’s pretty awesome to think that magic may truly exist.