Everyone has a “type,” or so that’s what I have been told. As if there is some kind of category of man that different women subscribe to. For a while I was comforted by this notion, if nothing else it seemed to narrow down the dating pool about and made the prospect of being single not so damn overwhelming. But then I started to actually analyze my track record.
Well to be totally honest a guy friend gave specific judgments over each guy he had seen me date, and although they were strictly physical and superficial, he made a point. None of them were really the same. And his somewhat shallow remarks led me to look at their personalities and ultimately my relationships.
I remember I was once asked what my type was (in face I have probably been asked multiple times). I believe my response was short and something along the lines of: “I like a guy who can make me laugh, but who I can also make laugh. Someone who is comfortable telling me he cares but can also be easy going and kick me in the ass when I need it.” Is this even a type? It’s not like I said I want someone athletic, or someone academic, or even a comedian. I just want the feeling. The comfortable, we know each other, and don’t want to change each other or find better, feeling. Also attached to this notion is the feeling that better doesn’t actually exist, that we both realize we’re what the other needs.
For lack of a strong, cookie cutter type I have dated around. I think the real reason I strayed from my original type is because I wanted to prove some kind of point. I dated this guy who was one way and when that didn’t work out I tried to only date guys who were the opposite of him. I went for types that had opposite political views from him, who were less stable than him, and who needed me more than he did. All this proved to do was put me with men who had opposite views from me, who frustrated me in their instability, and whose emotional state drained and annoyed me. The lesson? I am not quite sure yet. But I do know what my type isn’t.
And maybe knowing what I don’t want is nearly as good as knowing what I do. I can fill in the blanks that way.